Make Fun of Candidates : Vote411 Edition

I always have great ideas for blogs but never get around to the execution.  Usually this is just a matter of triage - patients and kids come first, then basic bodily functions, then way down on the list comes writing for my own amusement.

I guess I have a little surge of excitement knowing this election is finally coming to an end. This has been a particularly unpleasant election cycle and I will be happy to wake tomorrow with no "Breaking News!". (Quotation marks intended.)  The one silver lining : the Saturday Night Live debate skits. They just nailed it, can't recommend enough.

The purpose of this blog post is to make fun of the candidates' posts on Vote411.org .  This is not meant to be a political post in any way, just a purely superficial and juvenile snarkfest.

The Vote411.org site allows you to go through all races that will appear on your ballot and view what each candidate has to say. This is a great, non-partisan site and it seems like a great way help you make a thoughtful and informed decision. It is also a wonderful playground of poorly-edited posts just ripe for the picking. So being in a good mood, I am going for the low-hanging fruit.

Anonymous Candidates

These posts remind me of fake Facebook and Twitter accounts, the ones where the trolls are too lazy to even include a picture. Maybe some of these candidates didn't realize that anyone actually looked at this site. Maybe they were too busy to submit a post to Vote411. Or maybe, they aren't real candidates at all. Let's take a look.

                This guy didn't submit a photo but at least has a bio so he appears to be legit.

Hmm, SaraJane has no photo and no bio. Does she really exist? One wonders....

Thanks for sparing us the Dick-pic but a bio would be nice.

Oh, come on!  Don Self, huh? As in, I am running my own-self. Clearly not a person.

It's All In The Presentation

Some of the candidate pictures are really cheesy and clearly intended to pluck a patriotic chord. 

This guy looks like he is actually hiding behind the Texas flag. Is that a crappy photoshop or did someone actually pose him that way?

What's better than a flag? Why, a flag and a gavel. And you really had me at flag!

 

My vote is for the young Billy Dee Williams. No contest. I don't even care if he has a flag.

Not Just a Pretty Picture: The Bio Matters Too

Nothing says I care like a whole bunch of stars! This guy is a SUPERSTAR!

Seriously, Dude, your computer comes with Spellcheck built right in. Use it.

OMG, PLEASE QUIT SCREAMING!

MORE SCREAMING!

Don't be a dork. No one likes a dork. Except other dorks.

I thought I recognized you from the Philosophical Society meetings...

Thanks for the Latin lesson, Dorfmann.

A grown man named Tad. Don't I know you from The Preppy Handbook?

A Special Treat

For those who actually made it to the end of this blog post, your reward: The Pizza Lawyer. Enjoy.

I don't know the story behind this guy but I am dying to know.